Touch Grass: Gamma Mermai
Are you an avid “Touch Grass” reader who’s beginning to tire of the endless Portland parks? Is each week starting to blend together for you into a mass of green and sports fields and opening times? Well then, suit up, because this edition is just what you need to get out of that funk! Located just a short ten-light-year spaceflight from Reed, or a roughly 1.47 billion hour walk, the planet Gamma Mermai is perfect for a quick stroll or an extended visit. With lush red fields of grass around the planet’s cities, as well as shiny manicured gardens within their many biodomes, the planet truly has something for everyone.
First contact with Gamma Mermai was made by Portlander Dick Fagan, featured in another “Touch Grass” for founding the world’s smallest park, Mill Ends Park. Gamma Mermai is a little bigger than Mill Ends Park, though, sitting at around 1,347,904 acres to the park’s 0.00007205784. Fagan was able to form a relationship with the Mermaians, and together with their then-Head of Parks and Recreation, Glip Glorp, started the Earth-Gamma Mermai Travel System, enabling people from each planet to visit the other. From the start, their mission was exploratory in nature, and they protested heavily against the extraction of resources between planets. They eventually allowed some exchanges to take place under emergency circumstances and loosened their guidelines around scientific ventures after pressure from the public.
Today, the Earth-Gamma Mermai Travel System has grown significantly, but stays close to its founders’ ideals of adventure. Tourists from Earth can visit many museums on the planet, but Fagan and Glorp made sure each planet’s natural landscapes took precedence, establishing well-kept camping sites and numerous hiking trails around the surface of Gamma Mermai. Glorp also made a trip to Earth and helped cultivate the International Rose Test Garden and Woodstock Park, both featured in previous installments of “Touch Grass.” During his time here, Glorp was rumored to have said, “Portland might’ve been the nicest city in the ‘verse, but my hometown Meep had to come in and blow it out of the water. Ah well. So long Earthlings, and thanks for all the fish!” The only surviving pictures of Glorp’s visit consist of him enjoying food truck delicacies while sitting in Portland’s many parks and gardens.
Shuttles to Gamma Mermai leave Portland Intergalactic Airport (PDX) every Friday morning, and cost 27GMD for a round trip ticket. While accommodation in the planet’s cities is not cheap, there are many camping sites throughout the plains. Check the Gamma Mermai tourism website for availability and specific pricing. The planet is best in Earth’s spring months, so now is the time to visit! Once Earth summer starts, the temperature on Gamma Mermai will drop below livable human levels, making travel outside of the cities impossible. To learn more visit its website, gamma.mermai.org. So, go out and touch grass on Gamma Mermai!