Senate Spends Seven Minutes in Heaven

Last week, the Senate meeting commenced into seven minutes of what could only be described as an engrossing display of chaotic gavel bangging and uncontrollable senator giggling that, in all honesty, elicited an odd sense of morbid fascination. Because the meeting consisted mainly of the type of business that is less serious and more joke-y, I will proceed to give a minute by minute account of this particularly unstable gathering.

[4:32pm] [All senators bang fists on table with little to no synchronicity]

[4:33pm] Jonathan: [at Pax] “Can we get a keg? Hey can we get a keg?”

[4:33pm] All: [Giggling and chatting]

[Mike Brody enters room and walks towards the couch making him the only other person in the audience]

[4:33pm] Pax: “Hey Mike, how’s it going?”

[Giggling and chatting from all]

[4:33pm] Pixie: [inaudible cursing and complaining] “SOCC is back up”

[Giggling and laughing from all]

[4:34pm] Apoorva: [introduced a few serious business matters (gold star for you) including the date and time of a SCAPP event and stated that the Committee on Diversity apps were due Sun, Nov, 17th]

[4:35pm] Frank: [Enters room and takes a seat among the senators]

[4:35pm] All: [Expressing great excitement at Frank’s arrival]

[Continued and persistent giggling and side conversations]

[Allocations approved] 

[4:36pm] Aziz: [Discussed serious business (gold star) regarding student success meetings]

[4:37pm] Pax: “Well, there’s no theme today so we’re wide open to chit chat as a group of folks.”

[4:37pm] Senator: “Why’s Frank here?”

[4:37pm] Frank: “I got out of bio early”

[4:37pm] Senator: “No one can leave until everyone has emailed me the times they’re free.”

[4:38pm] All: [Persistent booing]

[4:38pm] Brody: “Who’s being booed and why?”

[4:38pm] All: [Giggling and booing]

[4:38pm] Senator: “Oh wait, I think everyone already emailed me.”

[4:38pm] All: [Continued and persistent giggling]

[4:39pm] Pax: [Bangs gavel] “Can I make a motion to move to an executive meeting?”

[4:39pm] All: “No.” [Giggling and laughing]

[4:39pm] Pax: “No? Okay, meeting adjourned.” [Bangs gavel]

[All start chatting and giggling and leaving their seats]

[4:39 pm] Brody: “What? What am I gonna do now? I’m just gonna be lonely for the next half hour.”

And so, the seven minute meeting adjourned (leaving Mike Brody feeling unsatisfied and wanting more).