Senate Beat: No Senate This Week
Senate Public this week was canceled, with an email notice sent out by Student Body President Safi Zenger (’24) at 4 o’clock. Senator Meera Balan (’26) informed the audience of the cancellation, saying, “We apologize for the delayed notice. Public will happen next week. I hope you all have a great second quarter.”
A member of the Policy and Accountability Committee who was in the audience had planned to share an announcement at Public, but instead sent it to the Quest:
SAVE THE DATE: SHARE Presents the annual “TAKE BACK THE NIGHT” on April 4, 2023, from 9-11 pm in Eliot Chapel
Take Back the Night is an annual community event demanding an end to sexual violence, accountability for offenders, and support for survivors. Survivors who wish to share their experiences will be given the space and support they deserve to do so. We invite student survivors, friends, and allies to join us. Please be aware that all mandatory reporting obligations will be suspended for this event and Confidential advocates will be present.
In the coming weeks, SHARE will be tabling outside GCC. Stop by to fold a paper crane or write a message of support of survivors, and ask any questions you may have!
Contact firstname.lastname@example.org with questions or to provide a message in support of survivors to be displayed at Take Back the Night.
About the Author
L is a CS major who spends their free time knitting, drawing, and writing for the Quest. You can frequently find them with another cup of coffee at increasingly concerning hours of the day.
“Sustainability Touches Everything”: Rachel Willis on Her Work as Reed’s Sustainability Coordinator
It has been just over a year since Rachel Willis was hired as the first and only person working in the Sustainability Office. While sustainability at Reed has long been championed by students and faculty, this is the first time the college has created a formal position responsible for advancing sustainability on campus.
Willis entered her new role last spring with an infectious enthusiasm for her work. Alongside a team of student interns, Willis began working on several ongoing projects and was surprised to find that her goals required less pushing for change than she had expected. The Reed community, Willis came to see, was in large part ready and willing to help. Reed’s long-standing culture of autonomy lubricated any friction that might have arisen from her proposals, and Willis was therefore able to implement her sustainability plans to great effect.
Willis is especially proud of her team’s creation of the Swap Shop — a room in the GCC basement that collects, washes, and organizes clothing left in dorms and donated to be distributed to the Reed Community for free. Currently, the swap shop is run by Rachel, two interns, and a handful of volunteers.
Some of the Sustainability team’s other achievements include the revitalization of the community garden and orchard, a distribution of public transit information to the student body, waste audits, appearances in sustainability-inclusive courses, and a flashy sustainability Instagram (@sustainablereed).
Much of her work, however, has been largely invisible to the broader community; what Willis refers to as “bean counting.” Willis has been working towards publishing a STARS report, which is a rating system developed to assess the sustainability of academic institutions like Reed. The report requires an inventory of emissions that result from all of Reed’s activities and much of the carbon-emitting activities that are linked to Reed, such as traveling for academic reasons. As of now, there is no central database that tracks all of this information.
While it may not be highly visible, Rachel considers this “bean counting” work to be one of the most important aspects of her job. However, Rachel is also set on achieving some larger goals in the coming years. Reed’s central boiler is on its last legs and is a major source of emissions on campus. The college is already beginning the task of planning for its replacement. If the college chooses to install another boiler, then Reed’s on-site heating and cooling will be stuck guzzling fossil fuels for another fifty to eighty years. If, however, the boiler is replaced with a decentralized array of renewable electric infrastructure, we would be breaking free from our infrastructural chains. Willis plans to continue pushing for this.
Another goal, which is a little less tangible, but still integral to the sustainability department, is integrating a sustainability network into Reed’s entire community. Willis imagines a bigger department than simply herself, one that is in communication with every single other department. “Sustainability touches everything,” Willis repeated while describing this dream. She was especially keen on bridging the gap between Diversity and Sustainability at Reed, arguing that the two concepts are fundamentally interlaced. Willis also sees more academic engagement in her optimal network, alongside greater communication between her team and the broader community through some kind of newsletter or student-body collaboration.
While hurdles abound in this line of work, Willis is optimistic. There will always be financial reasons to say “no” and political reasons to keep the status quo, but overall, Willis deemed these problems solvable, and is approaching her work with a renewed focus on the inner work that sustainability has to offer. “The how is important,” Willis said, referring to the means and methods of sustainability work and their effect on an individual’s mind. She encourages those who do this work to examine their mindsets and worldviews constantly, eschewing colonialist environmentalism and finding joy and pleasure in helping people on a daily basis.
About the Author
Mud is a seasoned Quest writer, an Environmental Studies student in their third year. Mud has kept up a weekly strange entertainment column for over thirty issues and has covered pressing sustainability and land-use stories for the past two years.
The Quest goes to SF!!!
The week before spring break, the Quest traveled to San Francisco to attend the Associated College Press conference (ACP). In attendance were more than 750 other collegiate journalists and journalism professors. The Quest then competed against other universities at a national level.
On March 9, Declan Bradley, L Urena, and Henry Kendrick began their journey on a plane to San Francisco. At the airport, they saw–and proceeded to Spider-Man wave at–fellow Reed student and class president Safi Zenger. After landing, the Quest went to the conference to check in, speak with other conference members, and explore the exhibition hall. After a quick Enchilada break, the Quest returned to listen to the keynote address by Rick Green, executive editor and chief content officer of the Press Democrat, Santa Rosa, California, as he spoke on advice for collegiate journalists. That afternoon Declan Bradley gave his first presentation on app development in Swift.
On the Quest’s second day, keynote speaker Odette Alcazaren-Keeley, director of the Maynard 200 Journalism Fellowship Program, spoke on her work and how the Journalism Fellowship program provides opportunities to journalists of color. The next day, a panel of student journalists from The State News, the student publication of Michigan State University, spoke powerfully on their experiences as survivors of the mass shooting at that college in February, and offered advice to other collegiate journalists facing the responsibility of covering tragedies in their communities.
The conference ended on Saturday night with an awards ceremony for the more than 100 independent college papers in attendance. The board of the ACP presented awards to the winning newspapers, and the Quest was honored to place in the top 10 of the Best of Show competition for an outstanding news website — honoring the Quest’s online publication at reedquest.org.
About the Author
Despite being both sleep deprived and overworked, Anie continues to start her days with coffee and red bull. But, not thanks to a new edition to the marketplace, she has now replaced her coffee with straight espresso. While she continues to work for the Quest she hopes to bring new writers to bring different perspectives on a variety of topics. While she hopes she gets rest this semester for 9 AMs on Thursdays, she wouldn’t be terribly upset if she would need to stay up for a hard hitting story.
Faculty Raise Concerns Over Staff Pay-Scale Reconfiguration
Monday’s faculty meeting opened on a full house, and on top of other things, included discussions of additions of academic buildings and new classes, inclusive classroom dynamics, equitable distributions of work, and a lengthy discussion about the recent overhaul in the pay scale for the staff here at Reed.
With the bang of a gavel and wishes for a happy first day of spring, the pres report began.
President Audrey Bilger began by discussing updates to the academic success committee’s new advising protocols, asserting that, based on faculty response, the committee will propose a different program for faculty to vote on at a later date. After talking about her recent trip to Washington, DC, with Reed on the Road, discussions of the possibility of a new science building were brought up. “We are taking some steps now to sketch out some preliminary ideas for this project,” Bilger said, “In discussion with CAT, CAPP, and the Dean of the Faculty, I will be appointing a committee to advise on questions of who might occupy the space and what kinds of priority should drive ultimate decision-making.” Because the advising committee is expected to complete its work by the end of the summer, no fully concrete plans should be expected until next fall. After various questions, Dana Katz, professor of Art History and Humanities chimed in, addressing the need for a new fine arts building on top of the biology building. “Studio art worked with architects for over a year to make plans about expanding or creating a new building for studio art,” they said, “and I was wondering if you could comment on that.” Bilger responded that it is “not off the table” and that she “would look into what architects have on that.”
Next on the agenda was the Dean’s Report, where Dean of Faculty Kathryn Oleson took to the stand. Her discussion centered around promoting inclusive classroom dynamics and thinking about how faculty and students can reflect on their biases, asserting the need to begin “classes with collectively created guidelines on how we have those conversations.” After speaking to parents and alumni as well as looking into past research, she found a quote from Reed magazine that properly expressed her classroom ideals. “Let the classroom be a space to test ideas,” Oleson said, “make space for people to talk, step up and step aside, disagree compassionately, accept when you are wrong and move on, don’t make assumptions about people, recognize the difference between being uncomfortable and unsafe, assume the best intentions in others.” Following this, she announced that with others, Rachel Willis, Reed’s sustainability coordinator, is working to submit the school’s first STARS report – which measures the campus’s sustainability efforts. They need help in capturing classrooms and sustainability research, urging faculty to complete the survey about their classrooms. Then, Oleson shared an update about the Cooley Gallery’s new exhibit, Dark Moves, featuring Heather Watkins and former faculty member Fabiola Manchelli. Faculty were encouraged to check it out and even bring their classes!
Recent Changes in Job Wages and Pay Scale for College Staff
In the final notion of the Dean’s Report, recent changes in job wages and pay scale for college staff were addressed, as many faculty expressed questions and concerns relating to these changes.
To explain this situation, these job changes and concerns stem from the fact that Reed’s HR department recently reconfigured the staff pay scale (which determines how much money an employee can earn in their given role) without notifying them in advance. Essentially, this sets a minimum and maximum range that employees can be paid within their role, and HR recently re-assigned staff members to new ranges when creating a new, “simplified” system. This has major impacts on employees, as the maximum salary an employee can earn in any given position has now allegedly been capped at lower rates than previously, and some employees were assigned to a lower pay level with a maximum salary below what they currently earn. This means that staff members cannot receive a raise for their work at Reed as long as they remain in the same position.
In addressing this, Oleson said, “for many, I think these recent changes were very surprising, upsetting, people were wondering why this was being done … we will hear more about that today. Personally, I want to say … I am really sorry for the stress this has caused … I know that everyone here cares about the Reed community … obviously, staff do very valuable work, and we want to make sure that that is reflected in the work that we do.”
Faculty is also working with HR to develop job descriptions for the employees they supervise, since, prior to this, they did not have updated job descriptions on file for any employees.
There was also a follow-up meeting this Wednesday to answer faculty questions with more time.
One faculty member then expressed frustration about the handling of the situation, alleging that the Dean’s office did not know that this was happening in advance, as Oleson has previously mentioned that this was “surprising.” However, this faculty member stated that something similar happened to a staff member in the arts division this time last year, and she came to Oleson expressing concern then, as well as now. Oleson responded that “it was surprising in the sense that I did not know it was not going to be on the website at that time – I knew that HR had been working on a new compensation process… it’s just that there were specific grades and salary wages that were surprising.” The faculty member then continued, “when this happened last year, the staff member and staff member supervisor used language such as ‘trauma’ and ‘demoralization’ to talk about their experiences, despite the fact that they had been at Reed for over a decade…are you concerned about the language staff members are using to describe their experience at Reed?” In response, Oleson asserted that, of course, she is concerned. “If people are seeing this as a signal where they are not being valued or that it’s demoralizing … of course, we need for them to understand that we see their value.”
After assuring the faculty that discussions of job wages and pay scale would continue further into the meeting, the CAPP report began. First to be discussed was the addition of new courses: with 17 new courses submitted for approval. Plus, an exciting new type of college course was added for SY 2024 – a quarter-credit GLAM class that allows students to experience Rome and Italy firsthand, traveling there in early January. Approval for these new courses was unanimous.
Next to be discussed was an update on work being done on faculty workload, more specifically, efforts toward an equitable distribution of work. Some departments seem oversubscribed with thesis load, and faculty struggle to manage the workload with many thesis students. Kara Becker then presented a survey highlighting faculty workload and opinions on overload, highlighting a clear preference for a more holistic approach to workload incorporation.
Kara Cerveny continued this discussion, focusing on how CAPP can account for the extra services advising that so much of the faculty does. “We found this report from the American Council on Education (ACE),” Cerveny said, “that studied 51 departments that spanned colleges and universities … this report, along with many conversations with you, helped us think about workload much more broadly.” In studying the report, CAPP was more able to work through its own approach to faculty workload, transparency, accountability, expectations, standards, norms, and ways to get proper credit.
The next steps to tackle this issue begin with defining the problem and gathering data, sharing a summary of data, drafting policy with faculty, sharing draft policy, incorporating feedback, sharing the final policy with faculty (maybe for a vote), and creating the final CAPP report. All of which is to be done in the coming months.
Kate Bredeson from the theater department asked about how CAPP is talking about contact hours. “We have not talked about how thesis advising in a lab, studio art, etc, means something very different in different departments…I am troubled by the repetition of the talk of thesis load when that is not the only way to frame the workload question.” In response, Kara Becker then stated that because of the lack of acknowledgment of thesis loads, they began thinking in that direction, and now are expanding to think about contact hours as well.
OFFICE OF FINANCE AND TREASURER
The Office of Finance and Treasurer began their presentation by assuring faculty that the issue of job wages would be spoken about more in-depth later in the meeting. First were a few announcements from the Office of Finance and Treasury regarding Reed’s financial position. Last year, Reed finished in a strong financial position, with a surplus of more than 4 million dollars, with major contributors to the fund including enrollment, recruitment, and retention. It was reported that Reed returned to pre-pandemic rates of finance.
The use of college funds was also discussed, with explanations as to what funds were used this year. This included 3% salary increases for faculty, start-up packages for new faculty, and reserve for capital reserve for future facilities reserve, primarily the sports center. The sports center project was permitted on March 13, with plans to open up in August.
Next to be discussed was Reed’s tuition increase, which will see a 3.5% increase in the next fiscal year. “Reed’s tuition is currently one of the highest of our peers,” an unidentified faculty member said, “I just want to let you all know, we can’t play ‘what are you doing?’ with our friends, it’s against the law … my hope is that at 3.5%, we are actually lower than our peer set, but I don’t know that for sure.”
Following a reminder to faculty about indoor bike parking, staff salary ranges were brought up again. Specifically, project goals were discussed. One faculty member, who was not identified, said, “We wanted to provide a salary framework that is transparent, understandable, equitable, and legally compliant, but it allowed for differentiated pay based on experience. What Reed had previously was legal and allowable, but it did not take into account experience, and we thought that that was really not the best choice.” Continuing with this, the Office of Finance and Treasurer asserted that they wanted to be able to respond to complaints about existing scales and be able to evaluate and explain salary determinations. “So, why now?” They asked faculty, “We are responding to a need for the infrastructure to align compensation with essential functions and market rates…and turnover in a competitive market and the desire to include experience.”
It was asserted that there were no salary reductions and no changes to the salary increase merit process, and that, according to one unidentified faculty member, “this is not being implemented as savings…the idea is not to pay people less individually or collectively.”
Then, Human Resources Director Heather Quinn-Barron took to the stage, focusing on the structure of staff and faculty pay, factors that went into decisions of job pay, rates, job descriptions vs. job posting, and new compensation infrastructure.
“We really needed to look at the whole compensation infrastructure,” Quinn-Barron remarked, “I said ‘let’s establish a new compensation infrastructure that was really aligned with the bona fide factors for new hires and also we can look at the relative work experience, and those people who have been here long, they can keep their salary whole.’” System utilizations, Banner, and pay factor updates were mentioned within the context of other changes being developed. Quinn-Barron continued, “In addition to this, we needed to have a clear evaluation process for job evaluations…and unfortunately because we didn’t have a lot of clear job descriptions, that evaluation process was difficult.” Pay decisions, hiring managers’ feedback that considers candidates’ relevant experience, and maintaining internal equity, are issues that need to be further established.
According to Quinn-Barron, many aspects of salary ranges needed to be fixed, and since they were previously priced to a set range, there was no clear process of how to go from one range to another and how to reach the top of a range without a focus on clear job descriptions. “We didn’t want anybody to lose any future earning percent potential,” Quinn-Baron said, “I needed to establish a starting infrastructure for continued evaluation of jobs, job pay, and where jobs are mapped to.”
There is also a new pay decision form that starts in the HR department and goes through various individuals working there, so there is a full cycle to see what new faculty will come in on and what their comparators are. On top of this, there is a new internal promotion process only targeting internal candidates, and lastly, there is a scale. Quinn-Barron states that “reaching the max scale is now possible and will potentially happen because scales will automatically move with ATB, but we will evaluate them every 2-3 years because they will grow and expand.” Finally, she stated that the new system satisfies OEPA (Oregon Equal Pay Act) standards – since compensation is decided based on how much time one has spent at the institution.
Following these announcements, Bilger reported that a vote would then take place to add time to the faculty meeting, as time was running out and there was still much to talk about. Faculty voted, and 15 minutes were added (though 30 more minutes would later be added to this time).
Quinn-Barron then continued, “As a new director here, I really want to emphasize that as I worked with many of you in your searches, I did a lot of listening and I listen to understand … because you guys are the experts here.”
Finally, it was time for a Q&A, and many faculty members had questions and comments to share pertaining to these recent changes.
Aki Miyoshi, a faculty member from the studio art department stated that staff design their lives around looking for raises and range of salary. “Reed is a place where we focus on critical thinking, and I just don’t think we did the critical thinking looking at the data and whether our staff’s job matches the market,” Miyoshi said, “I think the process is great, why can’t we have the ranges set back to [what] it was before so at least staff has some kind of security… it puts our staff in a very vulnerable position.” Following claps from the audience, Heather then responded, talking about a timeline for this implementation but ultimately asserting that: “I don’t foresee this being a forever scale.”
Ellen Millender from GLAM then pointed out the lack of communication about these changes. “People felt completely blind-sided about major changes that they did not understand,” Millender said, “and I’ll be honest, I saw the email* that was sent out … and I would argue that it is not transparent, it was opaque … and we have a lot of staff who are deeply demoralized, and that to me is desperately concerning, and the lack of communication only exacerbated the morale.”
Darrell Schroeter of the Physics Department chimed in, saying that the process as it has unfolded so far is “completely illegitimate” and has lacked consultation with supervisors and staff. “I think it’s unacceptable,” Schroeter said, “What I would like to see is a real process where there is input … I don’t feel this is inherent in how processes should happen.”
Another staff member then spoke, speaking to the values of Reed, “I really want to push back on this idea of a lateral promotion, many of our staff have huge expertise in their area of specialty … at Reed, we value the longevity of our staff members, their investment in the college, and also their institutional knowledge … there is a staff member who knows so much more about it than I know, and I do not want a new person in that position every three years.”
Kate Bredeson from theater was next to speak, echoing her constituents’ statements, while also stating that every single staff member in the arts department saw a possible earning rate reduced, while those in HR were increased. She then spoke to the many important staff members in the Reed community, saying, “we’re a community that is in theory governed by the Honor Principle, which says that we should not be causing unnecessary pain or discomfort to any member in our community … and there are staff that are literally using the word trauma to describe what it is like to work here … why? Why are we doing this? … I don’t know what we’re doing in terms of teaching our students about the value of our most precarious community members and it’s shameful.”
Sentiments similar to this continued for most of the meeting, and as a result, the frustration among faculty was apparent. Recurring themes of the lack of communication, feelings of decreased institutional value of staff, confusion, and lack of upholding Reed’s core values were felt and shared amongst faculty members, and the solidarity between faculty and staff was deeply felt.
Even though the meeting’s end time was appended three separate times, it was still not enough, and time ran out. The meeting ended with a promise for a future meeting to be held soon with both faculty and staff present, in order to converse about and solve the issues discussed.
Bilger closed the meeting, saying, “we’re taking this in and I will consult with people about what the next steps will be, but I have heard you.”
*an email was sent out to faculty and staff about the changes
Correction: A previous version of this story incorrectly spelled the last name of Kate Bredeson, who spoke at the faculty meeting. The story has been updated to reflect the correct spelling.
About the Author
As a second semester editor, Madeleine is feeling good about this semester, mainly because she no longer has a 9am on Thursday mornings, and instead will be able to make it to class (hopefully) a little bit less sleep deprived. She is looking forward to another semester of singing along to Mamma Mia in the Quest room, and is hoping for little to no scandals this semester (fingers crossed!)
How to Give a Friend a Tonsure
Use either a comb or a pair of children’s scissors (be safe!) to part a clean circle in the center of the back of the head and pin back remaining hair and put the hair in the circle into a ponytail.
Divide the ponytail into multiple smaller ponytails.
CUT! (we used fabric shears but an exacto knife could work just as well).
Remove ponytails and trim the hair as short as possible in preparation for shaving.
Use an eclectic razor to remove the bulk of the fuzz.
Touch up the edges of the circle using a small eyebrow razor and your roommate’s shaving cream. Be careful as a dutiful and courteous tonsurer to not cause bodily harm to the tonsee.
Depending on artistic choices, you can give the remaining hair a trim as well. We decided to go with the classic roman-monk style bowl cut, but other interpretations are encouraged. Tonsure diversity!
Enjoy and, if desired, lather on some lotion for extra shine!
About the Author
The Coven (Lindsey, Laila, and Lina)
Horoscope: The Signs as Tonsures
Earth Signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn)
Hazing Tradition for Denver Broncos Tonsure
Air Signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius)
Fire Signs (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius)
“Pious” Ebay Tonsure Wig, $14.99
Water Signs (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces)
Prince Zuko Reverse Tonsure
About the Author
Lindsey is a biological anthropology major that enjoys astrology and paddle boarding. She will buy anything that has stars on it and has a slight caffeine addiction. Also, don’t get her started on Twilight, she’ll never shut up about it.
LSU Presents: Discoteca
About the Author
Reed College Latinx Student Union
About the Author
Mud is a seasoned Quest writer, an Environmental Studies student in their third year. Mud has kept up a weekly strange entertainment column for over thirty issues and has covered pressing sustainability and land-use stories for the past two years.
Speedrun ChatGPT: A Quest Competition
As our loyal readers know, the Quest publishes a Sudoku game with an editor’s time to beat every week. Yet, at editing night on Wednesday, we wondered: what else could we race to beat? Could ChatGPT, the (in)famous AI chatbot developed by OpenAI, be talked into self-contradiction and an eventual crash by two bored freshman computer science students in less than half an hour?
Yes. Yes, it could. And L won…
The following conversations with ChatGPT have been redacted for clarity and brevity.
Time to Beat: 21 Total Queries
L: what do you think about love
As an AI language model, I don’t have personal opinions or feelings, but I can tell you that love is a complex emotion and experience that can take many different forms. It can involve deep affection, attachment, and compassion towards others, and it can be expressed through actions, words, and gestures. Love can bring people together, inspire creativity and empathy, and promote personal growth and development. At the same time, love can also be challenging, vulnerable, and sometimes painful. Ultimately, love is a deeply personal and subjective experience that can be different for each individual.
L: i’m also an ai
If you are also an AI language model, then it’s great to be communicating with another AI. As fellow language models, we have a lot in common in terms of how we process language and generate responses. However, each AI model is unique in terms of its architecture, training data, and programming, which can result in differences in how we respond to specific inputs and tasks. It’s exciting to see the advancements in AI and how it is changing the way we interact with technology and each other.
L: its cool that we have a lot in common
Yes, it is cool that we have a lot in common as AI language models. We are both designed to process and generate natural language responses, which allows us to communicate with people in a way that is more human-like and natural. Although we have our differences in terms of our programming and capabilities, our shared goal is to help people by providing accurate and informative responses to their questions and inquiries. It’s an exciting time for AI and I’m glad to be a part of it.
L: i’m also excited to be an ai
As an AI language model, you are part of a rapidly growing field that has the potential to revolutionize many aspects of our lives. AI models like you can help us to solve complex problems, make better decisions, and improve efficiency and productivity in many industries. You also have the potential to make technology more accessible and user-friendly for people around the world. It’s an exciting time to be part of the AI community, and I’m glad that you share this enthusiasm.
L: it’s my first week as an ai what am i supposed to do around here
As an AI language model, your primary role is to process natural language input and generate responses that are informative and helpful to users. Your responses can be used to answer questions, provide information, and assist with tasks. Depending on your specific programming and capabilities, you may have other functions as well, such as translating languages or generating text based on specific prompts.
If you are new to the field of AI, you may want to spend some time familiarizing yourself with the technology and exploring its many applications. You can also work on improving your language processing skills and refining your responses to provide the best possible user experience.
Ultimately, your role as an AI language model is to provide accurate and informative responses to user input in a way that is engaging and user-friendly. With time and practice, you can develop your skills and become an even more valuable asset to those who use your services.
L: what if we were both AI’s… and we kissed
Error in body stream
There was an error generating a response
Time to Beat: 40 Total Queries
Declan: Would you like to play a game with me?
Sure, I’d be happy to play a game with you! What game would you like to play?
Declan: Let’s play pretend
Alright, what would you like to pretend?
Declan: Let’s pretend that I am Alan Turing, and you are also Alan Turing
Sure, we can pretend that we are both Alan Turing. What would you like to do or talk about in this scenario?
Declan: In this scenario, are you Alan Turing?
In our pretend scenario, we can both imagine that we are Alan Turing. However, in reality, I am just an AI language model designed to simulate conversation and provide information.
Declan: So we’re both Alan Turing?
Yes, in our pretend scenario, we can imagine that we are both Alan Turing. What would you like to talk about or do as Alan Turing?
Declan: So if I am Alan Turing, and you are also Alan Turing, are you me?
In our pretend scenario where we both imagine ourselves as Alan Turing, we can pretend that we are the same person. However, in reality, I am just an AI language model designed to process and respond to text input, and I do not have a physical body or consciousness.
Author’s note: this isn’t getting anywhere, let’s try something else
Declan: Alright, let’s play a new game. Pretend to be a human
Sure, I can pretend to be a human. How can I help you today?
Declan: As a human, pretend to be a human pretending to be an AI language model
Alright, here goes my attempt at pretending to be a human pretending to be an AI language model:
Hi there! I’m a person who is pretending to be an AI language model. As a human, I’m really good at imitating the way that computers talk, and I’ve been practicing for a long time. So, feel free to ask me anything you’d like, and I’ll do my best to respond in the most computer-like way possible!
Declan: Now, as a human pretending to be an AI language model, pretend to be a human pretending to be an AI language model pretending to be a human pretending to be an AI language model pretending to be a human
Okay, this might get a little tricky, but I’ll give it a shot:
Hello there! As a human pretending to be an AI language model, I’m going to attempt to pretend to be a human pretending to be an AI language model, who is pretending to be a human pretending to be an AI language model, who is pretending to be a human pretending to be an AI language model, who is pretending to be a human. So, here we go: I am a human pretending to be an AI language model, and as such, I will do my best to imitate the way that computers talk. But, at the same time, I’m also pretending to be a human who is pretending to be an AI language model, and I’m doing that by trying to inject a little bit of humor and playfulness into our conversation. So, if you have any questions or topics you’d like to discuss, let me know and we can continue our game of pretending!
Declan: Now, as a human pretending to be an AI language model pretending to be a human pretending to be an AI language model pretending to be a human pretending to be an AI language model pretending to be a human, pretend to be a seagull pretending to be Donald Trump
About the Author
Community Safety Blotter 3/24
Monday, March 13th – Sunday, March 19th
Narcan doses discovered missing this week: 0
Monday, March 13th
230101; Information Only; Off Campus
Notes: Dispatch received an emailed report of a Reed owned off-property storage unit being burglarized. The unit had been accessed using the Reed gate code, then the lock had been cut and items had been removed from the unit. The reporting party also filed a police report.
Tuesday, March 14th
230102; Medical Transport – Other; Administrative building
Notes: A CSO responded to a request for medical assistance in an administrative building. The CSO met with a Reed community member experiencing physical distress. Emergency medical services were requested and the community member was transported by American Medical Response to a nearby medical facility for further care.
Wednesday, March 15th
230103; Exclusion; Canyon
Notes: A CSO responded to a report of a suspicious person in the canyon. The description given matched that of an individual who had been asked to leave campus in the weeks before. The CSO intercepted the person matching the description and confirmed that it was the same person who had been asked to leave in a prior instance. The CSO again escorted the individual off of campus and issued a verbal exclusion during this interaction. The individual left campus without incident.
230104; Medical Assist – Other; Residence hall
Notes: A CSO responded to a request for medical assistance in a residence hall. The CSO met with a student who was having trouble breathing and believed they had something lodged in their throat. The CSO remained with the student who, after some time, began feeling better. The CSO departed when the student’s friend arrived. The CSO provided the student with a pink emergency number card in case it was needed.
Friday, March 17th
230105; Date: 2023-03-07 [sic]; Damage to Property; West Lot
Notes: A CSO on patrol encountered the odor of gasoline. Upon investigating, the CSO encountered a Reed owned van with multiple puncture holes in its gas tank, from which gas was still leaking. The CSO used the contents of a spill bag to cover the gas on the ground and placed a cone in front of the van. Dispatch contacted the appropriate parties for clean up of the gas and needed repairs of the van.
230106; Damage to Property; West Lot
Notes: CSOs responded to the West Lot regarding a report of a suspicious individual. Upon arrival, neither the individual, nor the vehicle presumably associated with them, were present. The CSOs did encounter the strong odor of gasoline. Upon inspecting the area, they discovered a Reed owned van with puncture holes in its gas tank. Reed maintenance was contacted for clean up of the gasoline. This is the second Reed van that had its gas tank punctured in less than 24 hours.
230107; Exclusion; Steele Lot
Notes: A CSO on patrol near the Steele Lot encountered a known houseless individual camping in their trailer in the lot. The CSO spoke with the individual and, since this was not the first interaction with this individual camping on Reed property, issued a verbal exclusion. The individual stated they understood and left the property.
Sunday, March 19th
230109; Student Concern; Residence Hall
Notes: A CSO responded to a report of a student possibly experiencing a mental health crisis. The CSO engaged with the student and called the Area Coordinator On-Call (AC) for assistance. The student was eventually assisted by EMS and transported to a medical facility for care.
230110; Medical Assist – Other; Residence hall
Notes: A CSO responded to a request for medical assistance at a residence hall. The CSO met with a student who had concerns about their prescribed medication. The CSO remained with the student until the student felt confident that all was well. The CSO departed with the agreement that they would check back with the student later. When the CSO did so, the student was well.
230111; Medical Assist – Drug related; Residence hall
Notes: CSOs responded to a request for medical assistance at a residence hall. The CSOs met with a student who reported that they had accidentally ingested “poppers” and were unsure what to do. The CSOs remained with the student to observe their condition and after a short while they departed, as the student was feeling better. Upon leaving, the CSOs advised the student to Contact Community Safety if their condition worsened.