HOROSCOPE: The Signs as Skeletons I Have in my Room

Libra: September 23–October 23

Skeleton String— it’s a rope with six little skeleton dudes hanging off it that I have strung over my windows.

Scorpio: October 24–November 21

Postcard I got at Homer’s Hut with a skeleton sticking his face through a newspaper that says, “STOP THE PRESSES! It’s Halloween!”

Sagittarius: November 22–December 21

Gray skull-shaped candles my mom got me for Christmas because she knew I liked skeletons.

Capricorn: December 22–January 19

Black and white skull-patterned table runner draped over my dresser. This one has twenty or thirty skulls on it at least, which is a lot.

Aquarius: January 20–February 18

Canvas bag with a print of a skeleton precariously balancing a very large stack of books, which just about encompasses my mental state at all times.

Pisces: February 19–March 20

18” plastic pirate skeleton hanging off a hook in the middle of my wall like a man at the gallows.

Aries: March 21–April 19

Black tank top with two grooving skeletons on it that says “Shut up and dance!”

Taurus: April 20–May 20

Painting I made of a happy skeleton with lots of flowers growing in his bones. He is holding a sunflower :)

Gemini: May 21–June 21

Enamel pin of a skull with a crown, and hanging off the crown is a red snake. High fashion.

Cancer: June 22–July 22

Jolly Roger on the pirate flag hanging on my wall. Yo-ho!

Leo: July 23–August 22

Onyekas 4-6 (don’t ask).

Virgo: August 23–September 22

The skeleton inside my body.