Overheard at Reed 03/05/2025

"God gave us alcohol to make driving more interesting"

(extremely loud incorrect buzzer)

“Are you talking about Mormon underwear?”

“No, I’m talking about my penis.”

“My bosses decided that I should have typhus.”

Down with the bourgeoisie!

"Breakdown Wednesday is about the mindset, not the day."

Does Thirsty Thursday work the same?

“Do you mind if I put some baby powder on your bum?” - Commons 

"Nobody at Reed sleeps around like the cats do."

Whatever happened to free love?

"Is that a MacBook? Get that away from me."

Hell will be extra hot for the depraved engineers who created the horrible machine otherwise known as the 2017 MacBook Pro (with Touchbar).

"She wears the pants. He is pantsless."

"If I was graced by God with a penis, it would be massive."

"Please don't shoot me, I'm so fertile!"

You’d do numbers on TPOT.

"Maybe you don't have the experience of dating, but now you can pronounce it correctly." - Chinese 212

“I want him on me like a pack of pigeons on a pizza box." - Commons

Pure poetry. Submit to the Grail.

"Life may be a prison of ever closing doors, but at least we have gambling and feet." - said over a plate of half eaten gluten-free pizza 

You lost me at feet.

“Federal crime, shmederal shrime.”

“But, like, a cool school shooter.”

No such animal.

“There's a raccoon corpse in my yard– anyone here into taxidermy?"

“They made the common room inhospitable...:” 

“Making out?”

“No, they were looking lovingly into each others' eyes.”

Love is all around.

"I can't believe Peter Steinberger lost the mandate of heaven."

He can’t lose the mandate of heaven, he has a Wikipedia page.

“We don’t have, like, power” - A senator 

Uninspiring to hear.

"I got a new credit card and of course I immediately put it in the washing machine."

"One of the sources I'm reading for my thesis cites both you and Macklemore."

(Macklemore voice) this is fucking awesomeeeee!