The Horoscope as Dumb Tweets I’ve Bookmarked
Aries
“Everywhere i go is the best place i’ve ever been because i love to be alive”
@myfriendcallie
Taurus
“Cannot wait to be reborn as a horse in the next life and go crazy on a salt lick”
@cowpokecae
Gemini
“(Reassuringly) it’s entered your blood stream and is working its way towards your heart”
@h3xenbrenner2
Cancer
”sorry your life sucks . Do u want a peanut m&m”
@fairymelodia
Leo
”When I start paying too much attention to the numbers and the patterns I switch to fluoride toothpaste”
@fin_martre
Virgo
”Does anyone think global warming is a good thing? I love Lady Gaga. I think she's a really interesting artist.”
@britneyspears
Libra
”aspartame will not give me cancer because diet coke can sense I'm pure of heart”
@MeekyBlinder
Scorpio
”no longer on squeaking terms with my bitch Mouse wife. my stupid fucking piece of cheese life”
@absolunar
Sagittarius
”You may press your cup to the soda fountain of wisdom but unless your heart is pure you shall only receive the bubbles of folly”
@laserboat999
Capricorn
“Water isn’t for putting out wildfires. It’s for powering a machine that lets me hear what it would sound like if Cartman read my grandpa’s will”
@zachbdunn
Aquarius
”i love how you responded to what i imagined telling you”
@weiss_hadas
Pisces
“Fake ass sensitive young man I saw you displaying indifference towards the harrowing beauty that permeates all things”
@skooookum
