Surviving Portland Weather: A Few Tips from A Longtime Portlandian

After months of waiting, the dark months have finally returned to Portland. The sky grows murky and dark, the various lawns around Reed turn into mud pits, and I begin to spot bewildered Californians shivering under their umbrellas around campus.

As someone who's lived in Portland for around 13 years, I do feel a bit of schadenfreude watching warm-weather birds try to stay warm when going outside means rain, rain, and more rain. However, I have found a little kernel of kindness in my otherwise shriveled and cold heart, so I will provide what wisdom I can from my personal experiences and preferences in the land of muddy gloom.

Tip 1. An Umbrella Will Not Save You.

I was one of those obnoxious Portland residents who turned their nose up at the thought of even owning an umbrella. These days, I can understand the appeal – umbrellas prevent rain from falling on your head, and you don't have to worry about being cold and wet if the water never hits you. As such, umbrellas are excellent tools for when you're holding still outside for an extended period of time, such as WMD shows. However, there are a few things umbrellas can't save you from. 

The first is the ground under your feet – the sidewalks and gardens of Portland regularly flood under winter rains, so if you're wearing sneakers or other shoes with a lot of mesh, dirty rainwater will soak into the sides of your feet and wick up your socks.

The second is Portland wind– if the high-wind warnings issued earlier this month didn't clue you in, Portland winter holds both wind and rain, and that wind eventually gets strong enough to chill your body, blow rain sideways into your legs, and turn your umbrella inside out. Therefore, an umbrella alone won't keep you safe– you need to put thought into the clothes under the umbrella.

Tip 2. You Will Not Avoid The Damp.

I, as a Portland resident, have a deep distrust and dislike of raincoats. This is because they are, in my opinion, naught but flimsy plastic barriers, easily replaced by a trash bag with a hole in it (and possibly less useful than one – a trash bag will hold more heat). It's true, a good raincoat blocks water, but it's a barrier that's hydrophobic on both sides, so if any water gets into the raincoat (which it will), it becomes worse than useless, The raincoat is a skin-tight garment, even if it's loose when you put it on, once it gets wet, it will stick to your skin like a t-shirt in a romance movie, making it difficult to remove, making it an active hindrance to staying warm. Portland rain is determined and strong, and in sufficient time can reduce any raincoat to a cold, sopping mess, with you struggling to peel yourself out of it.

In order to avoid the raincoat trap, you must not try to keep yourself from getting wet. Instead, assume the rain will eventually get you, and prepare for its siege-like a ragtag rebel army trying to buy time for the protagonist to complete a secret plan. Instead of using a raincoat as a single protective layer, dress in thick layers that will stave off the rain for as long as possible, and try to find materials that will keep you warm even with water on them. Wool is a favorite, particularly for socks– it takes a while to soak through, it still works as an insulator when it's wet, and it doesn't have the cold, slimy feeling cotton does when damp. To cover the torso, I tend to wear a sweater on top of my shirt, then a puffy coat that's water-resistant. The puffy coat will absorb most of the rainwater and take a while to soak through, so I can take off the outer layer in a classroom or dorm and still have a warm, dry layer.

In addition, your legs will get at least a little wet, even when walking (see: sideways rain). As such, on days when you're going to be outside for extended periods, AVOID JEANS. I'm serious. Denim takes years to dry, is cold and miserable the whole time, and isn't a particularly good insulator. If you can wear any other fabric, do so. Also, if you can get a coat that goes past your hips and covers your upper thighs, you will feel much better for it.

Tip 3. Protect The Important Bits.

Of course, assuming you will get wet and there's nothing you can do about it isn't entirely true, nor is it practical. There are parts of your body you can keep dry or mostly dry, and there are parts that hold a lot of heat and comfort – places to prioritize. The following is my general list.

Feet: If you can get shoes that aren't mesh-topped, do so. Sneakers are great, but they allow massive amounts of puddles and rainwater to reach your vulnerable and miserable toes, turning your socks into tiny marshes. Hiking boots are great but expensive, big rubber rain boots are fun but cold, and anything made of leather will take a long time to soak through. And if you possibly can, get wool socks.

Butt/upper thighs: God, it sucks when these are cold. It just sucks SO BAD. Near the vulnerable junction of pants and shirt, this part of the body seems to be a blind spot in warm clothing manufacturers. Try to pull your coat down around your hips, especially if you have to sit down outside, and do your best to wear pants that are thick and have good resistance to windchill. If this part of your body gets cold, your best bet is a long, hot shower to warm it up.

Hair/top of head– the stereotypical hipsters are kind of right about beanies in this case. If you can cover your hair with the hood of a coat and a hat, that's ideal; any hairstyle you can push into cover is a good idea.

Torso (belly in particular): There are so many flannels and sweaters and coats in this world. PLEASE layer up to protect your internal organs.

Tip 4. Know When You Are Too Cold.

Hypothermia is one of those conditions most frequently associated with snow and ice conditions, but the combination of cold rain and wind chill can make Portland rainstorms quite dangerous to your body temperature. In general, if your clothes are soaked through and you're shivering or having a bad time, get inside and change your clothes. If you or someone with you is shivering heavily, shows sudden exhaustion/ clumsiness/ impaired judgment, or otherwise seems to be "shutting down" in the cold, get them somewhere warm and dry quickly and call for help. If you're drunk or about to be, stay inside– it's hard to feel the cold when you've had alcohol, and that can make the weather more dangerous.

Tip 5. Don't Call Portland Winters "Oregon Weather."

I'm finishing off with a quick reminder that one big city does not a whole state make. While the portions of Oregon to the west of the Cascade mountains are rather damp, there are sagebrush plains, plateaus, and high deserts across Oregon, and as my friend from Bend likes to point out, they are not all rainy and gloomy– some even get snow. The High Desert of Oregon in particular is absolutely gorgeous and worth a visit.

This may seem like a minor gripe, but I think it's important to acknowledge that the state of Oregon isn't mono-environmental, and that Portland gets to generalize its state more than is reasonable. Also, it's worth remembering that if you're tired of the cold and rain in this part of the state, there's always cold and snow just a 5-hour trip over the mountains away.