The Horoscope as Dumb Tweets I Liked Recently

Aries 

I Need To Shoot My Phone

@cher

Taurus

The grocery store feel like the club

@chillextremist

Gemini

Fourth base is removing the ribbon that keeps her head on

@Srirachachau

Cancer 

we are the grandsons of the pilgrims that the witches couldn't hex

@bodhismall

Leo

bro straight up i hate my sensei. i’m gonna betray this dude first opportunity I get.

@Dick_Butte

Virgo 

(Threateningly:) I’m applying to graduate school

@modrnluvr

Libra

I always arrive a little late, like the Truth

@sexyshrew

Scorpio

I deserve and can be trusted with roof access to every building

@cavegift

Sagittarius

she’s bouncing on it in accordance with regulatory guidelines

@serpicorising

Capricorn

my body is a temple of doom

@youngtiddy

Aquarius

It will all be okay once i achieve universal adoration. Thugging it out until Then

@weirdassfishes

Pisces 

recently been informed that i have “white boyfriend interests”

@lethalrejection