Campus Cryptids: A Guide to What Goes Bump in the Reed Night
Ever seen something scurry past your dorm window? Have you walked on the Blue Bridge and heard a growl below? Smoked by the Sallyport and a voice beckoned you inside? If so, you’re not alone; any Reed student can expect to come face to face with something unexplainable at some point during their tenure here. Therefore, in the interest of student safety, the Quest is offering a guide to the creatures rumored to be lurking on campus. Although non-exhaustive, this list aims to create familiarity, so students know what to watch out for. As a note, “cryptids” at Reed College may also refer to real students/alumni/drop-outs who somehow transcend into Paul Bunyan-style folk heroism, mythologizing during or after their time on campus (see: Mead Man in the Lore document). This article, instead, refers to the more popular definition of cryptid.
Firstly, we must address the bigfoot in the PNW. No self-respecting Oregon resident would write about local cryptids without mentioning our super hairy bipedal frenemy. Bigfoot also goes by Sasquatch, though no one has had a close enough encounter with the creature to ask which name it prefers. Although Reed seems “marked safe” from Sasquatch, it’s worth keeping an eye out. Key features include mixed ape and human features, glowing eyes, no visible neck, and a stench that could bring a skunk to its knees.
The canyon monster, who would’ve guessed, haunts the Reed Canyon. Any seasoned Reedie would be familiar with the canyon monster, although accounts of the creature vary greatly from circle to circle. During the day, students are mostly safe to wander, but, since the monster has a taste for Reedie flesh, it’s recommended that students leave the area before sunset. Physical descriptions mirror those of the better-established Wendigo, which originates from indigenous folklore. Rumor has it that students captured by the monster are eaten in full: bones, clothes, and totes included, with the exception that any beer cans are left behind. The monster will accept sacrifices of Reedies in exchange for weed, however, it’s described as “the worst ditch weed known to man” and “not worth the trouble.” Talk about a party foul.
Reed is also rife with ghosts, the most famous being the ghosts of Old Dorm Block. Built in 1912, the building is the perfect hundred-something age to have ghosts stirring about. The ghosts of ODB take on the traditional characteristics, being the translucent spirit of a dead person. The ghosts of ODB offer all sorts of disturbances to residents, like voices, moving things around, and slamming doors. If a voice calls in the night, it’s always best not to answer it. Residents of MacNaughton should be warned about the Ghost of MacNaughton that resides at the end of the hallway where the large mirrors are. However, if you don’t partake in any MJ action so to speak, you’re in luck; the ghost only appears to those who mistake their own reflection in the mirror for something more sinister. As pointed out by Taliah Churchill ’25, there are also rumors of ghosts in Prexy, the former home of Reed presidents. Is it possible that the ghosts of Reed's presidential past lurk about, encouraging them to get back to their studies? Well, anything is possible, even if not likely. The ghost of Steve Jobs is also known to return to campus to whisper in the ears of sleeping freshmen, encouraging them to drop out, start a tech company, and name their firstborn child after the college as he did. This particular career path is not currently endorsed by CLBR.
No one, even library lurkers, is safe from cryptids. Library patrons have their own monster to worry about, that being the Stacks Minotaur. The Minotaur stations itself somewhere in the lower levels of the library, where the labyrinthine rows of books seem designed to trap students in the bowels of the building. The library staff do a good job of cleaning up the stacks before closing, but any students lingering past closing are both shit-outta-luck and on their own. The Minotaur is ruthless, taking no prisoners, though a few particularly bright GLAM majors have seen the monster and lived to tell the tale.
Residents of the Birchwoods are advised to prepare for the Birchwood Killer, which resides solely on the property. The Killer would rather not cross 28th, which is one thing we have in common, so the RCAs are not subject to the Killer’s schemes. Active starting around 2021-2022, the Killer is blamed for mishaps in the apartments as plots to kill students. Recently this includes pipes bursting and subsequent evacuations, heaters setting themselves on fire during the night, and any noted break-ins.
While not a creature per se, the Vortex/Bubble/Hellmouth is worth a mention. The preferred term is up to the speaker, but the lore stays fairly consistent. All can agree that being on campus, especially for long stretches, takes a certain type of fortitude. Freshmen, by living on campus, become relatively desensitized, but students living off campus too long may find themselves losing tolerance. The vortex’s starting point is Eliot Hall, the oldest building on campus, and its effect is described as a “metaphorical wet sock on the cold feet of our souls.” It’s said that the purpose of the vortex is to use the energy harvested to fuel the reactor at a bargain, but whether or not this is the case is still up for debate. The vortex is only really, if ever, disemployed during the regular year for the occasion of Renn Fayre. Vortex maintenance is scheduled during the summer months, mostly during reunion season.