HVM Play Cancelled

Greetings, valued HVM PLAY viewers:

It is with a heavy heart that we inform you all that 2024’s performance of HVM PLAY has been canceled. HVM PLAY, an ancient Reed tradition where freshmen perform a wacky satirization of the Humanities 110 syllabus, was going to be a show-stopping event. If it were not canceled, it would have been performed in Vollum Lecture Hall at 7:00pm on April 18 (normal showing), April 19 (drunk showing), and 4/20 (what do you think). 

Unfortunately, the onset of the biblical rapture has prevented the show from going on. The rapture is an evangelical Christian apocalyptic belief that one day, Jesus will descend from the heavens and be joined with the Christian population in the sky, bringing them to paradise. 

Guess what? The Bible was 100% real the whole time, and the rapture just happened. Due to the outstanding morals of our cast members, they exclusively were the individuals brought to heaven by Jesus. They are now above us, joined with the holy spirit. It is unfortunate that HVM PLAY, which would have been on April 18, 19, and 20 at 7:00pm in Vollum Lecture Hall, has had to be canceled because of this event. We miss the cast dearly but know they are in a better place. 

So, yeah, if you missed the rapture this time, there will not be a second one. As it turns out, reenacting satirical depictions of the Humanities syllabus was the most holy thing someone could do. If you look up to the stars, maybe you can see the souls of our cast, frolicking with whoever else ended up there. We used a psychic medium to get a final statement from our lead, Bee Kim: 

“Hey, guys. I’m in heaven now, with Jesus and stuff. It’s great! We’re playing Mario Kart: Double Dash rn. Kinda busy. Did you know that there’s no animals up here? Yeah, they all go to hell. Crazy, right? Whatever. Anyways, sorry about the rapture! It sucks HVM PLAY, originally scheduled for April 18, 19, and 20 at 7:00pm in Vollum Lecture Hall, can’t happen now. But honestly, being up here is way better than that. You know that one snack from your childhood they discontinued? They have them up here! I won’t be leaving any time soon. Bye!”

To repeat, due to the rapture, HVM PLAY will NOT BE HAPPENING ON APRIL 18, 19, AND 20 AT 7:00PM IN VOLLUM LECTURE HALL. Sorry for the inconvenience.