Opinion: Why I Should Have Swipe into the Reactor
I’ve discovered that I have the coveted and elusive “universal swipe.” As a second-semester Reedie and not an H.A., the reason for my being bestowed with such a privilege is unclear. Is there a secret C.S.O. point system for those who haven’t committed any campus crime? Maybe a secret formula with your birth sign, G.P.A., and blood type that calculates those most unlikely to abuse such a power? Who’s to say? But what can be said is that I ha’ve tasted the power of being able to take a pit stop in Westport or see what sort of things people on the second floor of Chittick put in their fridge, and I a’m hungry for more.
I will put forth a few reasons why I believe that I should be allowed to have swipe into the Rreactor and outline them clearly, with rational arguments, and hope this will lead to me unlocking the last frontier of my Reed swipe access.
The first reason is that if the reactor is really a zero-risk facility, as its Wikipedia article says, then anything I do in there would not matter. If I do not receive access to the nuclear reactor, it’s clear that Reed is hiding something from us if having little ol’ me hanging around would be a threat to security. Surely I can drink in some of that sweet, sweet blue nuclear light without any hiccups. Secondly, if the social situation is so dire, why not rave in the Reactor? Doesn’t that have a nice ring to it? Since λΕΣ is always looking for new venues other than the frat apartment, why not throw a party there? There would be no need for strobe lights, as the light would provide a fun color to illuminate the party. Plus, I think this would generate great interest in students signing up for reactor training. Lastly, I just want to take a little dive, drink the healing reactor water, and let it fill me with the energy needed to keep going through this uninspiring part of the semester. Is that so wrong? This is certainly a reasonable request, and I hope that the powers that be who manage swipe access take this information into consideration. I think that I will most certainly be granted this, as this argument is sound in every conceivable way.
