Fun Fact of the Week: Abismal Nautical Toponyms

Abysmal Nautical Toponyms; or Not So Fun Ocean Place Names: During the Age of Exploration, when many European explorers couldn’t be bothered to learn what the places they were ‘discovering’ were already called, they had to make up some new names. Usually, these tired, hungry, and sick sailors weren’t too happy with the places they found, and sometimes the names stuck. 

Bays really get a bad wrap, with places like Poverty Bay, New Zealand, so named because Captain Cook was in dire straits and couldn’t find any resources to supply his crew. Mystery Bay, Australia, boasts “no town and there are no shops. There is poor telephone and internet reception,” and was renamed from Mutton Fish Bay (how appealing) in 1880 when five men disappeared leaving nothing but an empty boat behind. Useless Inlet, Australia is directly inside of Shark Bay (why do people live there again?). Terror Bay, Nunavut, is named after the HMS Terror, a ship that was lost in the area trying to find the Northwest Passage. 

Capes as well got stuck with some bad names, with the classic Cape Fear, North Carolina, but also Cape Disappointment, Washington, named because an explorer by the name of John Mears mistook it for a bay, and hence missed finding the largest river on the West Coast. Additionally, Cape Foulwind, New Zealand is a very pretty little seascape on the Western coast of the South Island, and I’m not entirely sure why it smells so bad. 

Islands also seem to have a dismal history, like Misery Island, Massachusetts, where a shipbuilder was wrecked in the 1600s and did not have a good time. Additionally, the Disappointment Islands, Antarctica, were so forgettable that they were lost and then rediscovered in the 1960s. Lonely Island, Russia (or also the Island of Solitude, depending on how you translate it) also seems to be a sucky place but might be beat out by the Island of Tears, Belarus, which was rechristened as a memorial for soldiers who died during the Second World War. Arse, Indonesia, is of course, not terribly funny in the native language, but we can still chuckle about it in English. Similarly, Booby Island, Australia, is named after the bird. The people of Yell, Scotland, would also really like you to know that they exist. 

Deadman Island, Washington, and Dead Chest Island, British Virgin Islands, both share morbid names, but quite possibly the most tragic toponym I have come across in my research for this Fun Fact of the Week article is Dead Dog Beach, Puerto Rico. The name is unfortunately very serious, as it was a dumping ground for the region's stray dogs.

There are also some fun river names, such as the two Mad Rivers, one of which is in Northern California and the other in Washington. Others include: Bad River, Wisconsin; Bitch River, Idaho; Eek River, Alaska; Misery River, Michigan; Murderkill River, Delaware (from the Dutch for mud); Piddle River, England; and Uck River, England. 

 I also feel the need to point out Unalaska, Alaska, which actually has nothing to do with the negation of the state name, but instead is a morphing of an Aleut word for the land, Ounalashka. Also, as an Oregonian, I’m legally obligated to mention the local celebrity when it comes to strange place names, Boring, Oregon, located a short 30-minute drive east of Reed, which happens to be a sister city with the quaint town of Dull, Scotland.