Tyrannical Quest Editor Wanted for Murder, At Large

After her three-semester reign of terror, Anie Kotha was finally fired for her crimes against the Quest editing staff. An indefinite ban was placed on Kotha from holding any future editor position after damning evidence was uncovered by fellow editors Cass Biles and Madeleine Voth.

Step 1 of Operation Shadow Editor was to go back and interview Anie’s first victim, Nina Gopaldas. Last year on April 21, Gopaldas revealed Anie’s violence with the board of journalistic ethics. Biles and Voth visited Gopaldas during her treasury office hours. There, they learned some interesting details that, for privacy reasons, were stricken from the record. Nina recounted her hard times during the Quest’s turmoiled nights, “It just got worse and worse. She threw things at me every night. However, it was the final straw when she stole my copy of Anna Karenina.” Gopaldas then directed the editors to Anie’s hidden drawer in the Quest office. It was then realized that Kotha’s Red Bull addiction had a deeper meaning – the drawer consisted of tabs from every Red Bull she had ever drunk. Biles then had an epiphany, wondering “Is that why she is always in this room? Just the other day I heard her on the phone mentioning how her collection was ready to use.” Upon learning this information, Biles and Voth decided to pay a visit to the editor who spent the most time with Anie: Sabrina Blasik.

Blasik, Biles, and Voth met for a late-night rendezvous in the Quoffice Monday evening, where Voth and Biles attempted to voice their concerns regarding Kotha’s current position as editor. Blasik, – while outwardly sympathetic – seemed more concerned with an altogether different oddity of Kotha’s. “Ya, I get it, you guys. She may want to kill you because you’re getting annoying, but you need to remember how she cannot spell ‘calendar,’ which is her real crime.” 

Step 2 was to get current editors together and devise a plan to bring down Anie’s plans for the end of the year. On Tuesday, April 18, the Queditors planned Anie’s downfall. Biles began the meeting by stating, “It may be too fast of a turnaround, but we have to act now.” All three editors then hysterically nodded their heads in agreement. “I think we just need to go for it. What is the worst that could happen?” exclaimed fellow editor Declan Bradley. Chloe Hsy was not too keen on this plan, “She is going to know you guys. She makes the sudokus and drinks massive amounts of caffeine.” This argument continued for a while, only to be stopped by the hysterical Madeleine. “GUYS, SHUT UP! It does not matter. We were wrong, and we need to bring her to JUSTICE!” With that, the Queditors had their plan and began preparing for the coming night.

Step 3 was editing night. At 5 PM in the Quoffice, all the editors arrived, only to find a trashed room of Red Bull cans and cigarette butts. “What…what happened in here.” The editors shuddered when they heard the door shut behind them. On the wall, they just saw the words, You think I didn’t know. “I TOLD YOU GUYS, SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING,” yelled Chloe. The editors then began to run around hysterically, only to be stopped by the stench of the cigarettes. They began to meander to the back only to find Anie Kotha lying prone, strangely reminiscent of a cigarette. “Is…is she dead?” asked Cass “There is no way this killed her,” said Madeleine. At that moment, the speaker suddenly turned on, only to play Fireball by Pitbull. “What…the…fuck” questioned Declan. During the queditors’ momentary distraction, they missed Anie army-crawling to grab her can tabs. Startling every editor, she spoke, saying “Would you guys say that flinging can tabs is dangerous?” “……….guys I think we should run,” exclaimed a scared and petrified Chloe and Declan in synchrony. As the editors bolted towards the door, Biles and Voth were stopped in their tracks by well-aimed tabs to the legs. “RUN, SAVE YOURSELVES,” Voth screamed at the one-term editors, as the door closed, saving Chloe and Declan from harm.”

I just want to say that I don’t hate you guys, but y’all were just being too nosy,” Anie stated frankly. She then began her final attack on Cass and Madeleine, freezing them to the spot. From the found bodies, you can tell that Cass put up a fight, with little success, dying on impact soon after, may she rest in peace. However, to great mystery Madeleine was nowhere to be found, leaving only an empty pack of Gold Marloboro’s behind. Chloe and Declan, successfully gathering the power of Pitbull, ran Anie out of her position, a fortunate end to her tyrannical reign. With Anie gone, the new board rid themselves of their collective caffeine addiction and the mandatory smoke breaks, ultimately splitting the time that editing night took in half, and making the Quest officially the MOST restful Quest.

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