Amongst the names and sentiments that have been written throughout the years in the sign-out book at the Reed College ski cabin, this list is between the pages. It dates back to 1979, nearly 50 years ago, and details instructions on how to become a “Reed Legend.”
So without further ado, below are the steps to begin your legendary journey:
- Buy a spare brain — you’ll need it.
- Indulge in massive quantities of marijuana, LSD, MDA, speed, cocaine, opium, phenyl barbs, hash, mushrooms, and anything else that looks like it’s illegal and smells like gasoline.
- Sleep with as many professors as truly possible.
- Sleep with as many students as truly possible.
- Own a room full of beer kegs.
- Flunk out three years in a row.
- Spend all your time with stray dogs.
- Involuntarily defecate while nude in Commons.
- Bribe Paul Bragdon to act like a rooster.
- Burn the remaining third of Portland down.
- Flirt with Christians.
- Fast every third week.
- Grow a beard shaped like a question mark.
After completing all 13 steps, ask the entire freshman class to bow down and worship you. Kill anybody that refuses.
By Anie Kotha, Cass Biles, and Madeleine Voth
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