How to Become a Reed Legend in 13 Easy Steps

Amongst the names and sentiments that have been written throughout the years in the sign-out book at the Reed College ski cabin, this list is between the pages. It dates back to 1979, nearly 50 years ago, and details instructions on how to become a “Reed Legend.” 

So without further ado, below are the steps to begin your legendary journey:

  1. Buy a spare brain — you’ll need it.
  2. Indulge in massive quantities of marijuana, LSD, MDA, speed, cocaine, opium, phenyl barbs, hash, mushrooms, and anything else that looks like it’s illegal and smells like gasoline.
  3. Sleep with as many professors as truly possible.
  4. Sleep with as many students as truly possible.
  5. Own a room full of beer kegs.
  6. Flunk out three years in a row.
  7. Spend all your time with stray dogs.
  8. Involuntarily defecate while nude in Commons.
  9. Bribe Paul Bragdon to act like a rooster.
  10. Burn the remaining third of Portland down.
  11. Flirt with Christians.
  12. Fast every third week.
  13. Grow a beard shaped like a question mark.

After completing all 13 steps, ask the entire freshman class to bow down and worship you. Kill anybody that refuses.

By Anie Kotha, Cass Biles, and Madeleine Voth

About the Author

Editor at The Reed College Quest | Recent Stories

Despite being both sleep deprived and overworked, Anie continues to start her days with coffee and red bull. But, not thanks to a new edition to the marketplace, she has now replaced her coffee with straight espresso. While she continues to work for the Quest she hopes to bring new writers to bring different perspectives on a variety of topics. While she hopes she gets rest this semester for 9 AMs on Thursdays, she wouldn’t be terribly upset if she would need to stay up for a hard hitting story.

Editor at The Reed College Quest | Recent Stories

Continuing (barely) editor Cass Biles is starting her 2nd semester on Quest ready and rolling! Cass is excited this spring-time to publish exciting new stories, from Renn Fayre Popes, to the gym’s reconstruction, to the relentless hope that we will one day profile Luis Giraldo. Through the trudges of organic chemistry, over the hills of reading Hobbes, and finally skiing the mountains of 5am editors nights, Cass is tumbling along and ready to bring you new content!

Editor at The Reed College Quest | Recent Stories

As a second semester editor, Madeleine is feeling good about this semester, mainly because she no longer has a 9am on Thursday mornings, and instead will be able to make it to class (hopefully) a little bit less sleep deprived. She is looking forward to another semester of singing along to Mamma Mia in the Quest room and taking copious amounts of smoke breaks, and is hoping for little to no scandals this semester (fingers crossed!)

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