Amanda’s Rizzelations: A Guide to Valentine’s Day 2023

Dear Darling Reader, 

Since leaving home for Reed, I’ve learned a vital lesson:  I love to flirt. Whether or not I’m good at wooing people is not relevant to this article, lest my skills are denied by the boys I’ve approached in the Pool Hall. (I’ve charmed y’all off your feet, right?) And, with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, I’m about to have an absolute ball. With Love Ball so near, now is the peak time to start practicing how you’re going to rizz that pretty someone you’re dying to confess your feelings to (or whose pants you want to get into). 

But, Amanda, you protest, I have no idea what I’m doing! Fortunately for you, my sweet summer child, I’ve spent this last week asking Reedies their go-to flirting tactics: 

Because men are so deprived of attention, all you have to do is ask about their interests, compliment them, and notice the little things. Oh, and make eye contact. And when you make eye contact with them in a big group, smile at them a little before looking away.” -Nana ‘26

I’d say compliment them on something [like what they’re wearing] and then take the convo from there” -Prasiddhi ‘25

People love to hear about themselves. So make them talk about themselves.” Omar ‘25

I like to make little drawings and little notes and little gestures. I get my partner flowers a lot. Drawings and stuff.” -Galen ‘25

Looking. And then not making any eye contact when they notice. Then never speaking to them again. It works pretty well.” -Anonymous ‘25 

I approach. I’m pretty loud and extroverted, which I use to my advantage. And I make the guy think he’s so interesting.” -Hannah ‘25

One of the underrated ways is breaking into the rhododendron garden with them at night. Just climbing over the fence with them. It’s very romantic and pleasant. Highly recommend it.” -Declan ‘23

(You can get in during the day with your Reed ID for free if “crime” is not your method. Or if you’re someone who cannot scale a fence. ) 

Sharing music. It’s also something I do with my friends. But, that way, I can have them follow up and be like, ‘yeah, what’d you think?’” -Anonymous ‘26

Blow cigarette smoke into someone else’s mouth” -Zoe ‘26 

(Please make sure you know this person will be comfortable with this before you do so.) 

Invite them to your KRRC session! Plus, you don’t have to talk if you’re nervous. And, if you do, you need to be close to hear each other. Get some good whispering-in-their-ear action, y’know?” – Anonymous ‘24

“You need to compliment someone on who they are and what they like. Not because you want something but because you find them genuinely interesting” -Anonymous ‘24

You can’t plan out flirting. It’s gotta be spontaneous. You gotta be genuinely into that person to get somewhere.”Anonymous ‘24

But, before you run off with all these ideas, you can’t start practicing rizzing your intended person without my handy-dandy Rizzelations. I believe any chances are moot without them. Because, with these under your belt, your flirting will do what it’s really meant to do–let you have fun. 

AMANDA’S RIZZELATIONS: 

  1. Thou must acknowledge that rejection is not something to be feared. All pain is temporary. 
  2. Thou must lead with a non-attached mindset. Hope for a yes, but don’t expect one! (Expecting a “yes” might risk making you look creepy!)
  3. Thou must know thou art a baddie–through and through. People can sense self-consciousness, even when it’s subtle, and that’s something we feel intuitively about others. 
  4. Thou shall acknowledge that just because thou asked someone out–no matter the answer–thou slayeth pussy-queen-“girl”-boss. 
  5. Thou will come to know that a date is a way to see if thou art romantically interested in someone, not the other way around. Be nervous about whether you’ll like them
  6. A no is a no. Thou won’t negotiate, bargain, or clarify. (They think going out on a date means you’re looking for a relationship, but you just want something casual? No need to specify.) They’ll come to you if they change their mind or are curious about what you mean. 
  7. Thou has the right to change your mind. Just as they’re allowed to reject you, you have the right to stop things. Your comfort matters more than how you’re perceived. 
  8. Thou will never chase once rejected, nor wait for them to change their mind. Don’t ask someone out again after they’ve said no. Thou hath put thyself on their radar. That’s all that matters. (Pushing will make them uncomfortable and discourage them from wanting to spend any time with you. Disrespecting this rule will absolutely make you come off as a creep.) 
  9. Thou will acknowledge that everyone has a chance of success, even thee! Especially thee! 
  10. Thou hath nothing to lose (except maybe your virginity) and everything to win. 

Have fun out there, be safe, make sure to get tested at the HCC, and happy Valentine’s Day. 

XOXO,
Amanda

P.S. I’ve once been told, “I want my children to have your eyes,” so you can’t do worse than that! (This was said soberly.)

By Amanda Weissman

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Amanda Weissman
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