1. Be nice to Holden
2. Stop smoking cigarrettes
3. Do your homework
4. Do all your homework
5. Remember the quiz is due this friday
6. Figure out how to be a good person
7. Stop using metaphors
8. Draw your friends poorly
9. Shit fire
10. Wipe clean
11. Get a good night’s sleep
12. Write bad poetry
13. Publish it in The Quest
14. Buy toilet paper
15. Text back
16. Cook food
17. Stop washing vegetables, dirt is good for you
18. Remember how these used to rhyme
19. Remember how you used to have free time
20. Slime!
21. Slide deeper into oblivion
22. Expand
23. Land
About the Author
Mud is a seasoned Quest writer, an Environmental Studies student in their third year. Mud has kept up a weekly strange entertainment column for over thirty issues and has covered pressing sustainability and land-use stories for the past two years.
