The Quest’s Quests

True to our name, please enjoy some quests to attempt this week…

Graphic by Katherine Draves

Graphic by Katherine Draves

Honk at a goose.

Give Pancho Savery a pinecone.

Chase your tail.

Drink a gallon of water in one sitting.


Gentrify Mars in like, fifty years.

Play hopscotch without chalk.


Find out how much three different people really value symmetry.

Write a poem using only the vocabulary in this list. 

Learn a word of Bahasa Indonesia. 

Don’t give up.

Derive the formula for the optimal hug.

Pretend you’re straight for a few minutes.

Start a mutual-aid community of farmers that relies on gifting, bartering, and witchcraft, and maybe invite me please?

Be kind to a bug.

Watch any Nicholas Cage movie. 

Eat a Nature Valley Oats ‘n Honey granola bar. 

Draw beautiful genitals. 

Compliment three people who really deserve it.

Run away and live your truest bigfoot lifestyle. 


About the Author

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Mud is a seasoned Quest writer, an Environmental Studies student in their third year. Mud has kept up a weekly strange entertainment column for over thirty issues and has covered pressing sustainability and land-use stories for the past two years.

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2 years ago

Honey, a word?

Evolve in one sitting
to run straight towards a beautiful without symmetry.
Give without symmetry.

Drink up the compliment.
Draw out the vocabulary for your truest kind of witchcraft.
Don’t pretend, and don’t chalk it up to formula.
Don’t watch—learn. Yearn without a chase.

And please—
eat Nicholas Cage.

2 years ago
Reply to  Aislin


Abigail Durrant
Abigail Durrant
2 years ago
Reply to  Aislin


2 years ago

A few minutes to introspect.

To drink, in one sitting, your beautiful witchcraft
To derive a poem that relies on your pretend symmetry

To draw a kind goose to your cage
And eat it
Eat it and don’t give up
Eat it to evolve
To draw to your people
A vocabulary of honk