The Signs as Quarantine Coping Mechanisms

cHecK yOuR MoON aNd riSiNg

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Planning the tattoos you’ll get once it’s safer. You have approximately 4 bodies’ worth of ideas now.

Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Ridiculous TV. “It’s not nostalgic escapism,” you say, “Riverdale and Grey’s Anatomy are quality entertainment.” “Sure,” we say, “I believe you.”

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Trying (unsuccessfully) to start a campus-wide cathartic scream tradition. To be fair, you’ve been trying since before COVID.

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20)

Crafts, craftsmanship, and more crafts. If it’s a hands-on task that can be done artisanally, you’ve eyeballed it. You would kill for a MasterClass subscription, and you’re this (this) close to building a metal forge in your room.

Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20)

Having mastered Tai Chi this week, you will move on to becoming certified in fish identification the next. Maybe kalimba? Juggling? Fermentation? Don’t worry, paragliding will still be waiting for you on the other side.

Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

Good eats. People talk about this “second wave” of lockdown baking as if you ever stopped between the sourdough starter in April and the macarons you’ve now perfected.

Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

Look me in the eye and tell me you haven’t thought about starting a YouTube channel. I dare you.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

For the love of god, you do not need any more plants. 

Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Caving and making a tiktok. Soon enough the creator fund won’t know what hit it.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Coffee may be the sole staple of your diet, but damn if you haven’t perfected “subtly” displaying The Look on every Z**m meeting.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

You’ve been through trying to start a Zoom bingo group, study group, DnD group, potluck, trivia night with increasingly desperately low requirements for entry. You’re POSITIVE karaoke night will get a great turnout.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Becoming a licensed therapist. (Not really, but you’re as close as an amateur can get at this point). You’ve also started a newsletter in the swirling ephemera of free time you conjure from thin air.

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