The Signs as Overheard Quotes

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

You can slap my ass online, it ain’t no thang.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

I love Johnny Cash’s cover of Fergalicious.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

What am I supposed to do? Not make death threats? Hath hell indeed frozen over?

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

Truly, I am of mythical proportions.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – Mar. 20)

Where the FUCK is Wyoming?

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Don’t fuck around with camels! I need an answer!

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Granted, I haven’t been outside in three days, but I am at least a top.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

It’s curvy, it’s fruity… Hey, same!

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Who needs ambition when I am bitchin’?

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)

I want to be hot for comedic effect.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

Not to be queerbaited by Wikipedia, but…

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one who finds things ugly. The evidence is overwhelming.

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