Happy Scorpio Season darlin’ dearests; your time is upon us!
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
Wearing cobweb earrings to a COVID test and the test administrator exclaiming, “Ooh, spooky!” as they shove a swab deep into your sinuses.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
Missed connections callouts about an RBG tattoo within three days of her death.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
Waking up to a lightning storm and thinking, “Aw rats, again?”
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
“Catch-22. The catch is that the world is ending before we’re 22.”
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
Realizing for the sixth time that a scene in a pre-pandemic show or movie looks so wrong because the general public is not socially distanced.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Walking outside and feeling naked, panicking for a moment thinking you forgot pants, and realizing you forgot a mask.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
A care package from your grandma containing handmade masks with love in every stitch and (literally) 11 post-its reminding you to vote.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Your frazzled prof positively elated by your use of cowboy emojis in the Zoom chat.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Being asked “Who’s John Kroger?” while someone in the distance launches into Sound of Silence.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)
A wildfire photo essay givin’ you a hankerin’ for flamin’ hot cheetos.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
Collective Twitter brainstorm of ways to steal from Commons via app (DO NOT).
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
Being asked if you’re crying again over climate change, personal problems, or how pretty herons are.