Horoscope: Tarot Cards For Your Sign

Each star sign has a specific card from the Major Arcana associated with it. Sure, you could Google it to see which one yours is, but Tarot isn’t an exact science, so why not get it from me instead?


The Emperor. As the name suggests, the Emperor signifies a leader, one who guides with wisdom and insight. And that could be YOU! Actually, I realize this might be giving you too many ideas, so as long as we’re here: please don’t start a cult.


The Heirophant. If one draws the Heirophant, they’re usually following some set of rules, whether that’s a fitness regimen or organized religion. So I’m gonna say it right now: please don’t join an Aries’s cult.


The Lovers. The usual interpretation of this card is a specific romantic relationship (as you probably guessed), but some see it as a signifier of a major decision. Take it as a sign that you might as well stop hemming and hawing and just buy yourself that deep sea isopod pillow.


The Chariot. The driver of the Chariot wrestles their inner demons, ties them to the front, and uses their new demon chariot for an Exciting New Adventure! They are completely in control of their inner struggle. Unlike Gemini. Do you really need Gemini right now, Cancer? Do you really need them leaving all those dishes unwashed for the millionth time?


Strength. Despite the name, the Strength card signifies inner strength rather than outer. That’s not to say you’re not completely, utterly RIPPED, of course.


The Hermit. The Hermit is an introspective figure on a solitary quest for knowledge. Or, in layman’s terms, literally every senior at Reed.


Justice. As the name implies, Justice represents balance and a fair outcome. But in order to obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy’s first law of Equivalent Exchange. Have you been performing human transmutation, Libra?


Death. Surprisingly, not usually about actual death. The Death card indicates a major change or transition, often the end of one thing and the beginning of another. Thus the ouroboros consumes its own tail, and you, Scorpio, eat some chips and move on.


Temperance. Temperance indicates a middle ground between overworking and overindulging. (God, I wish that were me.)


The Devil. You are not Satan, don’t worry. The Devil usually stands for a situation that has one trapped; be it a shitty relationship, an bad habit you need to kick, or maybe that time you locked yourself in the MLLL by accident. How did you even do that?


The Star. The Star signifies healing, inspiration, and renewal. It might be time to reinvent yourself completely once again, or risk being outed as a badass action-hero spy.


The Moon. The Moon card is all about things not being what they seem. Like the moon, you are mysterious. Unknowable. Shape-shifting. Not of this earth. An actual alien.

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