Horoscope Advice for First Years

Your first year at Reed can be rough. So why not look to the stars for advice? Here are 12 personalized dos and don’ts to help prepare your sign for a great year.


Keep in mind that necromancy is generally frowned upon on campus, with the obvious exceptions of All Hallow’s Eve and nights of the blood moon.


No, there’s no canyon cryptid. No, it doesn’t accept gifts of small pebbles and trinkets. And no, it cannot freely give the power to communicate with the beasts of the forest. Stop asking.


Ever tried mixing blue and red Gatorade? I haven’t, but if you have, tell me how it tastes.


You know that one person in your Hum conference who won’t stop talking? If not, be sure to double-check that it’s not actually you.


It takes a brave soul to wear cat ears at Reed, where the larger student body associates them not with Ariana Grande, but with furries. You just might be that brave soul.


Your driven, focused nature might give you the urge to pour all your energy into studying, but it’s okay to take a few hours off and work on that 10k Naruto vampire A.U. fanfic.


If you take up fencing as a P.E. credit, remember that dual wielding only looks cool in the movies. That other free hand helps you balance. (And shoot finger guns at your buddy in the audience.)


At some point, you might find a spider in your room. Throw it out the window immediately; it could be an evil wizard in disguise, and you don’t need that kind of drama in your life.


The door to the M.L.L.L. requires some elbow grease to open. Fortunately, your +5 to STR checks should make this an easy task.


Don’t bother asking your classmates what Hogwarts house they’re in. They’re Slytherins, all of them.


It’s okay, nobody’s about to judge you for going into a Wikipedia rabbit hole about the history of various goldfish breeds instead of watching the latest episode of Voltron. Unless you live in a theme dorm.

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